A pregnant woman who has discovered the father of her babies is married has taken to the internet for support and advice.
On January 20, user Desertislanddreamer on the London-based discussion site Mumsnet, shared her dilemma asking for support.
“I met this guy through work, [I have] known of him for over five years but started seeing him a year ago. We both decided to keep it private due to where we work, but a few friends and family know of us. It was going so well, he was such a lovely guy and I fell for him pretty fast,” she said.
“He was separated from his wife and living with his parents, sharing custody of his son until he could find a place of his own; not ideal but they are a lovely family and due to circumstances with his disabled son it helped with the caring aspect and juggling a very demanding job.”
Just before Christmas, the woman discovered she was pregnant and explained that her partner, while shocked, was very supportive to begin with and even said that he wanted to be a family.
When the woman decided to pay for an early ultrasound scan, there was another shock. “Two little blobs appeared on the screen,” she said. “Yes twins!“
But unfortunately, it all went downhill from here when the man stopped responding to her messages.
“I didn’t hear from him that night, or the next day or a week later. When I messaged or tried to call him all I got was, ‘I’m busy,'” she said.
Before long, she discovered the truth. He and his wife were still married. In fact, they were all living together with his parents.
“I then get a letter from them both stating that they have decided to stay together as a family and once I give birth he will of course be financially responsible for the children but that will be the extent of his involvement,” said the woman, who was distraught by the news.
“I’m absolutely devastated, having to see him in work—which he has absolutely ignored me, it’s like I no longer exist. I don’t know how to move on. I don’t know how to get over this,” wrote the poster.
With more than 550 replies, the thread was packed with support for the pregnant woman, offering advice and reactions to her situation.
Beverly Hills psychiatrist Carole Lieberman told Newsweek: “This woman should ask herself what the red flags were that she missed.
“Weren’t there times when he wasn’t available before she got pregnant? Like on the weekends when his wife would have expected him to be home? Didn’t she wonder why he never invited her to meet his parents and his son at their home, after you were dating him for so long?”
“Ultimately,” added Lieberman. “These secret work romances don’t always end well.”
In the hundreds of comments that followed on Mumsnet, users sympathized with the impossible situation the pregnant woman found herself in.
“So sorry OP,” said one reply. “I don’t know what to say but virtual hug.”
“You poor thing,” wrote another reply. “I’m sorry this has happened. What a b****** he is and what a mug his wife is.”
Others suggested that the woman think about her options and whether she should continue the pregnancy.
“How far pregnant are you? Early enough to have options that don’t leave you tied to this creep for life?” asked one commenter.
Another Mumsnet user said: “You have options that are far better than remaining pregnant and lumbering your child with such a s*** excuse of a father.”
The woman did say that she was considering this, but felt hurt by the situation: “I still have time. I know that not continuing with the pregnancy is in my best interests but the thought makes me feel sick. I’m angry at the fact I’m having to make this decision,” she said.
Lieberman suggested that if the woman was to keep her children, she should take a few important steps: “This woman needs to get a lawyer to prepare a document that puts his commitment to support the twins in writing. Of course, when you deliver, he will want a paternity test, and when he turns out to be the ‘proud papa’, he’ll need to make good on the support.”
After reading through the hundreds of comments, the woman was grateful for the response that she said made her feel less alone.
“I have decided to continue the pregnancy. My maternal instinct is strong and I feel love and attachment to them already. Plus, I know this will most likely be my last chance to have another child,” she said. “Thank you all very much. I’m getting rather emotional reading all your comments, hormones are working thick and fast!”
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
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