Couple Dubbed ‘Disrespectful’ for Doing This to Their In-Law’s Bed Backed 

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A post about a couple who were called “rude” for putting decorative pillows on the floor, instead of the bed, of the guest room they are staying in has gone viral on Reddit, where it had received 10,900 upvotes at the time of writing.

In a post shared on Reddit’s Am I The A****** (AITIA) subforum, user Decorproblem34 said his brother and sister-in-law have moved temporarily into his home and are staying in the guest room. “So far we’ve been on the same page concerning all things except the decorative pillows,” the user said.

One day the poster’s wife complained about “seeing the decorative pillows in the guest room being put on the floor and not being put on bed during the day.”

Couple standing in a guest room.
A stock image of a couple standing by a suitcase in a guest room with a large window. It’s the host’s job to “make everyone feel invited and comfortable, not uncomfortable,” a certified etiquette expert told Newsweek.
iStock / Getty Images Plus

The user spoke to his brother about it and he explained that his wife (the user’s sister-in-law) was “tired of having to move the (7 pillows in total) pillows before using the bed.”

The poster said: “We had a fight and I ended up calling him & SIL [sister-in-law] ‘rude guests’ because of it. He & SIL got offended and there was tension in the house over it.

“My wife isn’t speaking to them, and they aren’t speaking to me.”

A June 2021 study published in the peer-reviewed Frontiers in Sociology stated: “In-laws and their ‘meddling’ rank high among the sources of conflict in contemporary marriages, often higher than such potential flash points as financial issues or mismatched values.

“There is a cross-culturally ubiquitous characterization of in-law relationships that is very different, namely that they are tense at best, and toxic at worst,” the study said.

The user in the latest Reddit post said his wife “loves adding decorative pillows on beds” and did so in the guest residence “to make the room look better and also it’s her preference.”

The Reddit user told his brother that his wife found it “disrespectful” of the couple to put the pillows on the floor, but the brother “thought it was no big deal” and that the poster’s wife “was being a little too obsessed, especially since SIL is pregnant and can’t put the pillows back every time.”

The poster said: “Maybe my wife overreacted, Maybe I shouldn’t have called them that but it is what it is…”

Liza Mirza Grotts, a certified etiquette expert and the former director of protocol for the city and county of San Francisco, told Newsweek: “Good etiquette is not only about which fork to use and when, but how to make your guests feel comfortable no matter the situation.

“The only person who overacted [in the latest Reddit post] was the hostess. It’s her job to make everyone feel invited and comfortable, not uncomfortable. In the scheme of things, are throw pillows of the utmost importance? Of course not,” she said.

Either way, the etiquette expert said you should “always leave a house neater than you found it, and put the pillows back in their original spot.”

Nick Leighton, an etiquette expert and the host/producer of the podcast Were You Raised By Wolves?, told Newsweek: “Golly, that escalated quickly! Is this really about pillows?

“Etiquette is all about being mindful of other people and, so often when there’s a sticky situation, the best approach is just have a polite-yet-direct conversation to get everyone on the same page. So, it looks like there were a few missed opportunities here and everyone could have done something different,” he said.

For example, the guests could have told the hosts: “Your guest room is so luxurious! But for our needs, just four pillows will do the trick. Where would be a good place for us to place the extras during our stay?”

The host could have replied: “Oh, I know there are just so many pillows! But we really love the look. Would you mind terribly if we asked you to make your bed and place them back on top each morning?”

Leighton added: “Etiquette does not have an opinion on the ‘correct’ number of decorative pillows that should be placed on a bed.”

Several pillow seen on a bed.
A stock image of several pillows placed on a bed by near a window. A post about a couple who was called “rude” for placing decorative pillows on the floor of a guest room has gone viral on Reddit.
iStock / Getty Images Plus

Several users on Reddit sided with the original poster’s brother and sister-in-law and criticized the user and his wife.

In a comment that got 37,000 upvotes, user said: “YTA [you’re the a******] You and your wife are terrible hosts. They’re sleeping in that room and it doesn’t matter whether they put the pillows back onto the bed or not. Your wife just wanted to be petty and you jumped onto the bandwagon. Congrats.”

In a comment that got 2,800 upvotes, user twistedspin asked: “How does the wife even know if the pillows are on the floor? Why does she go in their room?”

In a comment that got 5,400 upvotes, user FoolMe1nceShameOnU said: “The only reason she should be going in there is to remove all those bloody pillows from the bed and put them away in the linen closet for the duration of their visit, so her pregnant SIL doesn’t have to deal with them!”

In a comment that got 8,100 upvotes, user Eichmil said: “7 pillows is not decorative. It’s camouflage…YTA,” while SereneGoldfish said: “7 pillows!? And it’s their room while they’re in it. Who the heck wants to be moving that many pillows about on a daily basis?”

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.

Do you have a similar dilemma? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.

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